Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
