Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
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he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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