Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
