i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
