He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My vagina is officially offended.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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