I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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