oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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