Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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