i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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