She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
