My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
