No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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