My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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