I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize