i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I smell stomach acid.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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