Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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