Swine flu. Run for my life!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
