You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
