I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Welp...herpes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
