Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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