i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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