im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
