Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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