so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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