He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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