Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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