I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Come on in and take your pants off
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