At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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