I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can you bring me the toilet please
don't judge my taste in strippers
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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