I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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