We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
