I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
