i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
