I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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