Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
