some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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