I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
COCAINE IS GR8
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
