Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
