Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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