I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
