I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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