Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
