Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
