My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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