Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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