I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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