i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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