Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
