I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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