nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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