he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
