I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start