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she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
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