I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.