Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.

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  (240): Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use. http://tfl.nu/hbuk
  Replies (15) Good night (729) Bad night (2691)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.

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  (612): and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me. http://tfl.nu/2uzy
  Replies (21) Good night (889) Bad night (6685)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.

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  (850): He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight. http://tfl.nu/5341
  Replies (8) Good night (647) Bad night (3193)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

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  (316): when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre http://tfl.nu/3hgx
  Replies (20) Good night (7195) Bad night (1686)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.

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  (570): You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol. http://tfl.nu/n8ii
  Replies (11) Good night (996) Bad night (3493)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.

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  (701): Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/s47d
  Replies (13) Good night (7107) Bad night (1203)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas

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  (832): The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas http://tfl.nu/fiou
  Replies (8) Good night (2216) Bad night (819)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.

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  (269): Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it. http://tfl.nu/0nwk
  Replies (17) Good night (1029) Bad night (2739)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?

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  (570): Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie? http://tfl.nu/rubz
  Replies (3) Good night (1824) Bad night (644)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.

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  (720): There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there. http://tfl.nu/9sg3
  Replies (6) Good night (467) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns

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  (704): I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns http://tfl.nu/dxob
  Replies (3) Good night (1352) Bad night (580)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  i will live by this rule

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  (616): life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee (1-616): i will live by this rule http://tfl.nu/j6ih
  Replies (6) Good night (880) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.

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  (276): I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best. http://tfl.nu/o1z6
  Replies (4) Good night (618) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow

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  (330): lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow http://tfl.nu/f70c
  Replies (0) Good night (537) Bad night (379)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.

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  (512): Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale. http://tfl.nu/qpyu
  Replies (1) Good night (692) Bad night (387)

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