i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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