"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend