apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.