sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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