I'm eating all of the evidence.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
