i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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