Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
