We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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