Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
