Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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