Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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