Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i would punch a child for taco bell
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
