She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
