Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
