i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
