She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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