god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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